Parenting

I’ve been a single foster parent off and on for nine years and more recently an adoptive parent. I had been going through procedures to adopt a child for the past four years.

Because I’m disabled, I’ve been called upon to prove myself more to be a capable parent since the adoption agencies don’t know what we can or can’t do. Many disabled people don’t believe that adoption agencies will allow us to adopt. It can be frustrating and take many years but you must persevere. After all these years, I’m at the point where I’ll be getting a second child. Many disabled people feel guilty about adopting a child because they think that they’ll not be able to offer a child as much as a non-disabled parent. Well, that’s just not true.
– Charlotte, double amputee

Wheelchair user changing her baby's diaper. Photo credit: Jane Sherr

A wheelchair user in a grocery store with her baby in a snugly weighing vegetables. Photo: Jeff Weissman, courtesy of Alta Bates Hospital, Berkeley, CA

As far back as I can remember, I’ve wanted a family. I can remember the astonished looks on the faces ofpeople when I stated emphatically that I wanted six children as I sat in my wheelchair.
– Leslie, post-polio

Everyone discouraged me from having children, but once they knew this was what I wanted, they helped. I did fine with the pregnancy. I had to go off cortisone, but with the hormonal change that is normal with pregnancy, I felt fine. I had a few problems but no different from anyone else.
– Ginny, rheumatoid arthritis

Mother and father are at the breakfast table. The father is holding the infant and the mother is seated in her wheelchair. Photo credit: Jane Sherr

Woman sitting on the edge of her bed holding her 6 to 8 year old son on her lap.

 

 

The doctors back east said we can’t help you. They thought I ought to have an abortion. Abortion never crossed my mind.

I had nausea and vomiting all the way through. My blood pressure fluctuated; I went into premature labor; I almost had a miscarriage. … But she just wanted to be here: she wanted to happen. The main thing is, we love that baby and she loves us.

There’s no way I can change her diaper … but I feed her. She goes in the shower with me. We stay out for hours. We go every-where—to the Flea Market, the Co-op. I like to show her off, the proud mom. Lots of times she just sleeps. She loves it … the more she moves, the happier she is.
– Sandy, spinal cord injury

To bathe them, I had a small portable baby’s bathtub which I slipped into a large cloth bag (like a pillowcase) that I made to fit the tub. This made a sling inside the tub for the baby to lie in. Then I had two hands free to bathe them and to keep my balance also.
– Marie, paraplegia

 

Family of three strolling in the neighborhood. The father is walking. The mother is using a wheelchair and the child is riding on the back of his mothers chair. Photo: Jane Sherr

 

It was my son who made me return to life after my injury: knowing that I had a son to raise. He would ask me different things like, “Well, what are you going to do? Aren’t you going to walk?” I’d say, “No, I don’t think so.” Then he’d say, “Well, I’m going to make you get up and put your braces on.”
– Riua, spinal cord injury

Mother holds utensils in her mouth to feed her infant. Photo: Jane Sherr

I can’t see anyplace where the disability was harmful to my family. Sure, I had to be inventive about holding, lifting and handling my children. But I never made a big deal about being disabled, it was apparent. As my sons became older, they began to help carry things for me, help out. I think it was good for them, helped them to mature. It gave them something other people didn’t have.
– Ginny, rheumatoid arthritis